Are Screen Protectors a Racket?

Imagine a salesman is pitching a iPhone screen protector that's made from the same military grade material used on helicopter blades and space shuttles and has self-healing properties. This thin piece of plastic film can be yours for only $25-50 -- would you call BULLSHIT?

I would.

In a $2 billion cell phone case market that I have already deemed a racket, Zagg makes such claims with their nano-memory technology.

I'd like more detail about these "features" because slapping nano on a gimmicky name and defining it as "visible as a very subtle texture in the surface of the film" is a shameless attempt at jargon marketing. True to bullshit, it sounds good initially but comes undone upon closer examination. First, it's not nano if you can see it. Nano refers to nanotechnology or nanomolecular i.e. one billionth of a meter. Zagg says and I paraphrase that the nano-memory technology make it

1. self-healing
2. pliable and flexible for corner coverage
3. easy to install
4. drop-resistant
5. glare-resistant orange peel texture.

1. Self-healing plastics actually DO exist, thanks to a layered polymer. I question whether Zagg uses this technology and whether Zagg itself is military-grade. 3M has the market cornered on aerospace polyurethane tape which costs $3000 for 36 yards or $2/ sq. inch. XPEL makes self-healing paint-protection kits for cars for $29-$700, $29 for the luggage area which I take to mean the strip next to the trunk opening (still a larger area than a phone screen). Granted these are different products with more layers and different uses but I think Zagg is piggybacking on this concept. According to their wiki, Zagg began in 2005 in a backyard shed in Salt Lake City selling iPod screens- that's not a military-grade background.
2. Any screen should cover the corner if they cut it to the right size- what does the subtle texture and molecules have to do with it?
3. Best Buy charges $7.99 for installation so how easy can it be?
4. "Improved grip makes it easier to hang onto your expensive gadgets." So the screen has nothing to do with surviving the drop- this is really just no-slip grip.
5. This is the one component that actually refers to the texture though orange peel is not nano because as I said before, one can see it.

So after breaking down this poor copy and researching their roots, I'm skeptical of Zagg. Amazon reviews raise concern as well.

Most screens these days are made from chemically treated glass to be scratch resistant so is the screen protector necessary?

To scratch the screen, the object must be harder than the screen. Such is the science of hardness. Many helpful videos show that keys, knives, and razor blades WILL NOT scratch the screen. This helpful video shows that a nail file and a dremel WILL scratch the screen. Diamonds probably will too so never carry your iphone in your pocket full of diamonds.

Essentially, scratches are not the issue. The video shows that the screen can prevent the glass from breaking in a 15-foot drop. So the biggest benefit of the screen protector is the impact-resistance which is hardly promoted. Why does a thin screen protector do a better job protecting against a fall than some of the bulky silicone and plastic cases that are marketed specifically for that purpose (meant for a 6-foot drop)?

Let's look at laminated glass used in windshields. A resin bond between two layers of glass increases strength and keeps the shards together when cracked. I'm no expert but I imagine the extra strength comes from the resin bond and layers allowing energy to disperse through the whole windshield. Bullet-proof glass takes this concept to the next level by layering and laminating polycarbonate plastic between glass. Here's Mythbusters take.

How about a screen protector making an iPhone bullet-resistant? Clearplex, a Utah-based windshield screen manufacturer made a huge splash with their clever ads. Outside of stopping bullets, there are no outrageous claims- just a screen that's clearer and smoother than Zagg. However, there must be a reason he used a shotgun shell instead of a bullet- perhaps less force from the dispersed buckshot. Also the covered iPhone had only one mark from buckshot but the uncovered had several, why is that?

Here's a rundown of some popular cases based on scouring Amazon and forums:

Clearplex- not many reviews out there but durability, feel and clarity seem to be a plus. There was one bad review that said the edges were not cut properly and peeled up which is a huge issue.
Zagg- sticky feel and orange peel texture are bad, annoying to install but some swear by it
Moshi- because I don't like the idea of bubbles, lint and the wet install, I thought dry install would be good but this one leaves a rainbow haze which is bad
3M- thick and reduces screen clarity so no go
Spigen SGP Glas.tR- rates well but 4mm of glass on top of glass seems stupid, is it just me?
Buff Labs- nice video but may have to buy on ebay and I avoid that for certain goods
Belkin- dry application and totally clear according to 3/3 five-star reviews on Amazon.

It comes down to Clearplex and Belkin with each around $15 though Belkin is a 3-pack. I'm intimidated by the wet application of Clearplex but I don't know if Belkin would have the same impact protection. Is it a special material that protects or is it the nature of laminated glass?

When I was 10 or so, I bought a Fisher Space Pen that could write upside-down and underwater. I put the crappy hotel pen to the same tests and it could also write upside-down and underwater. Go figure. Americans spent millions developing the space pen- Russians used a pencil.

What do I use?

I'm rocking leather case from PreserveTheWord on Etsy (roughman with teal stitch) and I love it! It's handsome and I like the feel.

I went by the Apple store to browse screen protectors and a "genius" rubbed her screen with her metal ring to show me it doesn't need a protector. While I appreciated her honesty at trying to get me NOT to buy something, I explained that I don't need scratch protection and I'm more concerned with impact and stray bullets. My laminated glass discourse may have been lost on her.

Maybe I'll just keep it naked in the leather case, like going commando with leather chaps...