The Decade's Most Intriguing Sports Story

Bonds and Balco. Kobe and Eagle, CO. Spygate. Vick. Tigergate. Shocking. But not surprising. The squeaky clean and faithful professional athlete is a convenient fiction.

Tiger introduced the word transgressions into the parlance of our times but none of his transgressions were as shocking as those of Adam “Pacman” Jones.

Life is a series of transitions from one level to the next, one job to another. The compelling saga of “Pacman” Jones is a series of unsuccessful transitions and unbelievable transgressions chronicled by this timeline.

2001- Jones tallies six interceptions and 1,850 rushing yards and leads his team to his second Georgia 4A State Championship. He commits to play football for West Virginia.


2003- As a sophomore, Jones records 89 tackles and four interceptions, making 2nd team All-Big East. He makes the Athletic Director's Academic Honor Roll an Athletic Coaching Education major buts faces a year in prison for beating someone with a pool cue. The sentence is reduced to probation.


2004- Jones leads the team with 76 tackles and three interceptions earning first-team all-Big East and honorable mention All-American honors. He forgoes his senior year and declares elgible for the NFL Draft.


23 April, 2005- The Tennessee Titans draft West Virginia DB Adam “Pacman” Jones with the 6th overall pick. He is the first defensive player selected. Jones holds out due to a contract dispute over safeguards which would deny him bonus money if convicted of a crime.


19 February 2007- Video shows Jones celebrating NBA All-Star Weekend with rapper Nelly and producer Jermaine Dupree in a Las Vegas strip club.



26 March, 2007- The Las Vegas Metropolitan Police Department implicate Jones and his entourage in the shooting following the strip club melee.

10 April, 2007- The NFL suspends Jones for the 2007 season.

18 June, 2007- Jones threatens a man named Darian in an Atlanta strip club and shots fire on Darian's car at a nearby intersection shortly after he leaves the club. Dekalb County Police question Jones but the victims could not identify the shooter so there were no charges and the story quietly evades excessive media coverage.



20 June, 2007- The Metro Police and the Clark County DA charge Jones with two felonies and he accepts a plea bargain.



6 August, 2007- Jones signs a contract with TNA Wrestling.



Jones’ NFL contract limits “The Greatest Team Sport Athlete That Ever Lived” to a non-contact role. He forms a tag team with Ron “The Truth” Killings.



Jones “makes it rain” in the ring and eventually wins the World Trade Team Championship with Killings.



15 January, 2008- Atlanta stripper Wanda S. Jackson pursues an arrest warrant alleging that Jones hit her in the strip club.

23 April , 2008- The Dallas Cowboys acquire Jones for a 4th round pick in a deal that includes compensation for Jones’ failed reinstatement or future suspension. He drops the "Pacman" nickname that was once represented by the P on his jersey, in an effort to disassociate from his checkered past.



13 October, 2008- Commisioner Roger Goodell suspends Jones indefinitely after an alcohol-related scuffle with a bodyguard on October 7.


7 January, 2009- The Dallas Cowboys announce that they will release Jones.

2 September, 2009- Jones agrees in principle to a one-year deal with the Winnipeg Blue Bombers of the CFL but they revoke their offer when Jones contemptuously refers to the league as the United Football League.

What does the next decade have in store for Jones? Bonds? Kobe? Vick? Tiger? Matt Walsh? More transgressions, I hope.

Coach Kroll's XMAS Comes Early

In baseball, there was the DiMaggios, Alous, Ripkens and the Boones. Basketball had the Wilkins, Paxsons and the Barrys. Hockey had the Hulls, Sutters, and Gretzkys. But who watches hockey anyway? Football had the Barbers, Baileys, Sharpes, and of course the Mannings. Right now, tennis has the Bryan and the Murray brothers. Vassar College men’s tennis has the brothers Jasso, Nick and Josh, aka Stretch and Smash, or Jassito and Big Jasso.

Josh is one of the teams natural veteran leaders and Nick has already made an immediate impact as a true freshman. Nick is easily the hardest worker on the team, a torch I am proud to pass. He was the first person to do the 7:30 am Monday, Wednesday, Friday plyometric workouts with the basketball team. Coach caught wind of these magic training sessions and suggested it to rest of the team. Mike ran with the idea, made it a mandatory OTA (Organized Team Activity), and the team responded. The guys who showed up reaped the benefits of plyometrics. Josh was a dependable presence and I recently saw him dunking basketballs in the gym. As for me, I survived DOMS (Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness) and blisters and I’m in the best shape of my career.

The Jasso experiment has worked out so well thus far, that the expert recruiter Coach Kroll recently added a new brotherly weapon to the lineup, Carleton sophomore transfer Giles “Ben” Guzick. Hey, that name sounds familiar. Well it should, he’s the older brother of freshman sensation Andrew “Goose” Guzick, and a devoted follower of this very blog.

I didn’t make it to Ben’s pro day so I haven’t been able to evaluate him in person but other GMs tell me that he’s as good or better than his one-year junior sibling “Goose.” I don’t know if the brothers Guzick play doubles but they do know how run a student government. Just like Kennedy’s cabinet, Ben was president of the prestigious Harley school with Andrew as his secretary. I’m excited to see these reunited brothers in action.


I love to see brothers interact. Big Jasso is very protective of Jassito and I think Nick would be lost at times without his guidance. Nick once called Josh from the ATM to ask where the money came out. I feel the love from the Jasso brothers because I haven’t ever seen Josh lay a finger on Nick. However, Josh does make it clear that if anyone is going to beat up Nick, it will be him, and only him.

Apparently, Josh’s protection dates back to childhood when Josh would bear the brunt of the blame from his parents for shared mishaps in order to protect Nick’s innocence. My mention of this arrangement during dinner at the President’s house instigated an argument between the brothers Jasso about a particular incident with a vase. The jury is still out about the vase because if there’s one thing I gleaned from a research paper I just wrote on psychology in the courtroom, it’s that memory is fluid and subjective.


I have a break chock full of Bowl games before I meet the newest addition to our team but I have still given the issue some thought. How will two sets of brothers affect the team climate? One third of the team will be brothers. Will Ben and Goose act like the Mannings? What will Ben’s nickname be since Goose is already taken? I’ve heard that he is called Buzick (pronounced BOO-zic) but I have some other ideas that play off the alliteration in his name. Maybe he could be 2G, Double G, Straight G. I also like GG because it means “good game” i.e. “it’s over” in computer gamer jargon. Well, until we meet, kiss the baby.