Troll 2: The Best Worst Movie I Have Ever Seen

About a week ago, I watched Troll 2 for the first time. For those of you who are behind the times, Troll 2 is a cult classic widely recognized as the “worst movie ever made.” The Troll 2 craze is picking up steam as the film was recently released to DVD and featured in the documentary Best Worst Movie made by the film’s child star. As a proud owner, I have seen Troll 2 four times so far and not once against my will: the first time with my father, the next time in the background while cleaning my room, and the last two times with various friends because I was worried an awful little girl might come after me if I didn’t share the film with a certain number of people. I know most of the signature lines and incorporate them into my daily interactions whenever possible. Yeah, it’s pretty cool.

While the movie lives up to the billing as the “worst movie of all time;” it also earns the documentary’s claim Best Worst Movie because I somehow found it engrossing and ridiculously entertaining. Although the film failed on many fronts, the filmmakers were by no means incompetent and amateur. I haven’t seen the documentary yet, but it seems like the filmmakers actually overachieved with their budget. For the effort and guts to finish the project, I commend them. Here is my list of the Top 5 Troll 2 Redeeming Qualities:

1. Joshua’s Realizations:

Although the goblin spelled backwards bit could be a coincidence, the clover shaped moles are a dead giveaway.

2. Joshua’s Singing:

"Row Your Boat" is always a good choice for diffusing an argument.

3. The Kinky Sex Scene:

This is the strangest thing I have ever seen in a movie.

4. The Creepy Messages on Softballs

Sinister messages written on softballs in green frosting is always a bad omen.

5. The Acting and Snappy Dialogue

Words to live by: "You can't piss on hospitality. I won't allow it."

Elliot is another victim of the either-or fallacy.

The director wanted to use non-actor civilians for a natural feel. I like how the light switch bookends the scene.

The Fed's Grace

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The Fed is one of the most gracious losers this sport…. no any sport… has ever known. He also gives great interviews. In this post, I break down the Fed’s interview after his 4-set loss to Tomas Berdych.

Notice how he wears his hat low to hide the waterworks.

4:37 “No, he didn’t play like that, you saw a different match.” Actually, I’m pretty sure that was you out there I saw getting worked! Poor reporter, a zinger from a weepy eyed paper champ might just ruin his day. He didn’t know to direct all string technology questions to John McEnroe because he mentions “these new-age strings” in every broadcast. While he’s at it, he should also ask Mac about legs because Berdych has tree trunks and Mac probably noticed.

7:45 It must be annoying to be asked about Murray’s chances of winning it all right after losing so this question deserves a snarky response like the one Fed gave. To top it off, he told the reporter to “make [her] homework” because she probably has no idea what she’s talking about.

5:43 Okay, so at RG, the conditions were tough and Soderling played well. “Today was a different story,” we can attribute today’s loss to aches and pains that resulted in general discomfort and poor play at crucial moments of the match preventing the Fed from capitalizing on certain opportunities.

3:10 His right leg and back have been hurting since the final he lost to Hewitt at Halle. I hope he gets back to playing tennis “freely,” “the way [he] wants.”

7:20 If Virtua Tennis is realistic, that two-week vacation should cost $1000 and fully regenerate his energy. Staying at home is free but not as rejuvenating.

Berdych had the second interview and I like how the reporters condense the parts of Fed's interview that were potentially insulting and bounce them off Berdych in hopes of instigating an an entertaining back and forth. Next the reporters should do a follow-up with Fed and ask for his response to Berdych's claims that he is the superior player.