The Best Burger Ever

I'm currently staying with my friend Pete on his family's dairy farm in the Hamptons and it exemplifies the French concept "terroir." I can throw this fancy word around because I'm taking a French class on it, but for those behind the times, it essentially refers to the variance of a particular food's taste bestowed by its geographical origins and cultural traditions. Pete and his family have a centuries-old bond to their land and its offerings. Put simply, Pete is so stubbornly confident in his food's quality and his immune system that he eats uncooked beef, carves pigs barehanded, rarely washes his hands afterward, and to top it all off, he even drinks raw milk (unpasteurized, unhomogenized).

As an outsider to the ways of the Ludlow (that's Pete's last name) farming tradition, I am constantly blown away by the vastly superior taste of simple ingredients like eggs and milk. Without hyperbolizing (of which I am always vigilant), I have encountered many of my "best I've ever had" foods on the farm:

- eggs
- milk
- brie
- bacon
- duck
- veal
- pancakes, made with the eggs and milk

The success by virtue of simplicity reminds me of the locker room saying, "Don't complicate winning." Although I've tasted the "terrior" in simple preparations, I haven't quite applied my skills to elaborate uses of the "terroir."

Thanks to my knowledge of goal-setting from my Sports Psyc class, today Pete and I decided we would attempt to make the best burgers we've ever tasted. Normally, I wouldn't spontaneously undertake such a daunting challenge but I figured that because I had access to the highest order of several key ingredients, this superlative quest was preordained.

We spent the morning attempting to lasso a pig for slaughter and discussing the Aristotilean form of a perfect burger. We visualized our lofty goal and with no margin for error and I'm proud to say, we executed. That's it. It was a success.

The award for the "Best Burger I've Ever Tasted" goes to the Mecox Bay Bacon Apple Brie Burger with carmelized onions and watercress on a Portuguese roll.

Thank you Pete and family for making this burger possible. While this is a great accomplishment for Pete and I, I appreciate that the title "Best I've ever tasted" is not absolute and it will not sidestep challengers; so bring 'em on because this burger is no paper champ.

Burger Ingredients:
- Mecox Bay grass-fed ground beef
- Worcestershire Sauce, key ingredient
- Garlic, minced
- Parsley, chopped
- 1 egg, farm fresh, binds ingredients
- Paprika
- Nutmeg
- Ground mustard, tiny bit
- Rosemary
- Thyme
- Salt
- Pepper

Burger toppings:
- Caramelized onions, cooked in the bacon grease because the toppings must measure up
- Jowl bacon, crispy, farm fresh, not from the belly like traditional bacon, meatier
- Mecox Bay Atlantic Mist brie-style cheese, the best of its kind one will find
- Granny Smith apple, thinly sliced, adds a tart crunch
- Watercress, peppery, pretentious, pretty

Burger Vehicle:
- Portuguese roll, similar to English muffin, broiled with garlic butter, store didn't have proper buns but this was excellent

Side:
- Home fries, gold, purple, red potatoes dug up in the dark because Pete refuses to buy potatoes from the store, for good reason
- olive oil
- garlic
- rosemary
- cayenne
- salt
- pepper
- garnish with chopped parsley

My Favorite Videos Right Now

I have re-watched all of these multiple times because I find them so captivating.

1. This is the definitive internet video. Are we doomed?

2. Dude has a particular set of skills that make him the "Coolest Guy in The World."

3. This is some poor soul's embarrassing, outspoken mom. Well, maybe not.

4. I painted my house this summer but it wasn't as cool as this.

5. Chappelle's genius inspired this gem.

6. Thank you whoever compiled this. Not sure how you did it.

My Two Favorite People on the Internet

I must apologize to my readership for my recent drop in the rate of posts. I have focused my efforts on my other blog as of late.

1. King Curtis

Whether or not the producer prompted these tirades, this indignant redneck already understands how to orchestrate a successful "reality" TV confrontation and his sassy on-screen aura shows promise.

He already has a dance remix.

2. The "Your Business Card is Crap" Guy

This meme has grown over the past few months and it turns out that this guy is a motivational speaker named Joel Bauer and he posts videos to google. In this video, he gives a 20 minute discourse in excruciating detail about his Mary Poppins suitcase and its contents; which sounds dreadful but is oddly captivating as I have watched it many times. This speaks to his mantra, "It's not about being liked, it's about being effective." Thanks for the packing tips. I wonder if he does graduation speeches.